NEW YEAR's EVE at the ELMS

Not so looking forward to a New Year's Eve without a date, I accepted an opportunity to DJ a New Year's Eve Party at the Elms (south Muscatine near by-pass on HWY 61)...

Should be a good time, I have a good taste in music.  If you like to get dressed up, and bump & grind on the dance floor, this is the place to be.  Keeping in mind that I am an aspiring relationship specialist/matchmaker..I will make sure to play some slow jams too, so there will be plenty of opportunities for chemistry to develop.

I don't drink, so I am sensitive to 'responsible drinking'.  We arranged to have a volunteer designated driver that will be available to shuttle people home. 

Stop by and say 'hi'  and/or spread the word.  In February I will be actively recruiting a few people to be profiled on the TV show, so would be nice to meet some of the readers of this blog, so I can get a feel for the viewership.

Happy dating... 2010 is going to be your year!

Practice Dating

Ok, someone has asked you out, but you aren't quite sure that they are the one you really like... what to do?  Go on a 'Practice Date'.  Practice dates are great for a variety of reasons. 

First, you will gain valuable 'dating data'. This can include things like learning about a new restaurant, a fun night club, a unique social activity you would have otherwise never thought to try, and most importantly, you will learn more about what you are looking for in a long-term partner by experiencing another person's strengths and weaknesses.

Practice dates also serve to do just that, give you a chance to 'practice' so you are ready when the 'real deal' comes around. The more times you go on a date, the more comfortable and confident you will become.

And, finally, practice dates can lead to friendships and referals. You always have room for more friends, and your date might put in a good word for you.  In a small town like Muscatine, news travels fast, even good news.

While you are on your practice date, please observe this list of things NOT to talk about:
1) Your past dating experiences
2) Your EX
3) Money
4) Health Problems
5) Religion/Politics
6) Business
7) Negative subjects
8) Your children
9) Sex
10) Your diet

In my case, I find that I am pretty intense, in a mentally stimulating sort of way, which can be a bit much at first, so I try and focus on letting her do most of the talking.  Girls love to communicate and appreciate a good listener.

Ok, so I am planning on initiating a few 'practice dates', and will accept almost any invitation, as I attempt to become a dating guru.  I hope to experience every sort of awkward dating experience possible.  I will suffer so you don't have to.   All of this 'research' will culminate in a local TV show called 'Muscatine Matchmaker' that is set to debut spring of 2010. 

Hopefully the girls I ask out over the next several weeks don't read this blog or I am sort of busted.  I guess they won't know if I consider this a 'practice date' or 'the real deal'.  It is only fair, they may be 'practicing' with me as well.  Sort of a game... Any interest in playing?

"Open up your mind and let me step inside

Rest your weary head and let your heart decide

It's so easy when you know the rules

It's so easy all you have to do

Is fall in love

Play the game

Everybody play the game of love, yeah"

..."Play the Game"  Queen

The Five Second Flirt

Ok, I need all of you single-types to sync up with my proposal.  I would like to request that we all establish the 'five second flirt' technique as our preferred method of hooking up at the local night clubs.  Here is is how it works...

Girls:  Scan the room for an available man that your are interested in.  Be patient, it may take some time for the right target to arrive.  Upon selecting an appropriate male, proceed to lock eyes with him for five seconds and then gently turn your head away while flirtatiously flipping your hair.  5 seconds may seem like a long time, but it is necessary, so as to leave no question, from the man's perspective, that your are interested in meeting him.  Make sure to tone your eyes down to just beneath the 'stalker stare' level.  I know this is a fine line, but too much intensity can actually scare the guys off.

At this point the guy will respond accordingly.  Hopefully, he proceeds to approach you and strike up a conversation. 

Guys:  Be on the look out for girls who may be staring at you with an adoring gaze.  Bring a stopwatch if you have trouble with the timing.  If she gets past the 5 second mark, you are in!  It's your move, so go over and talk to her.  Also,  make sure to offer to buy her a drink after about 10 minutes, if the conversation is working. 

If he doesn't respond consider these possible reasons:
1) He is gay
2) He is looking for something specific (perhaps a blonde and you may be a brunette), so no worries, try again with someone else.
3) He wants you to 'chase' him.  Ultimately, this is a not going to be worth all the extra effort.
4) Hard to see a wedding ring sometimes, so perhaps he just simply isn't available.
5) He is shy... if he smiles back, consider approaching him.

Ok, so get out there and start working this nonverbal system.  My research suggests that these small-town bar scenes tend to include minimal mingling, so nonverbal communication may be our only option.  This technique is a step above the 'grunting like a cave man' approach that I have witnessed some of the small-town players using, so it is a step in the right direction.

-BREAKING NEWS-
There is a new bar called 'Grant Street Pub' located behind the Lincoln Center on Park Ave.  I checked this place out last night, and there is much potential.  The owners are interested in have a dating TV show there.  More details to come, but consider stopping by as this place may soon recieve my single-scene endorsement.

Small Town Dating Strategy...Three-Wheeling!

Ok, I will have to admit... there really aren't a lot of single people within my dating age range in Muscatine.  This is problematic not just for the purposes of finding a girlfriend, but for recreational purposes in general.  Hanging out with other single people is an easy fit, and usually works just a bit better than trying to latch on to other couples.  Unfortunately, there are just so many more opportunitites to hang out with couples than single people, since singles are a minority in small-town America.

The solution?..Why not work WITH the situation and strategically attach yourself to other couples? Yes, this is called 'being a THIRD-WHEEL' aka... 'Three-Wheeling'.  Not usually a term used to describe a desirable situation, however, this can actually work out to a single person's advantage as long as you don't mind getting a bit muddy.

Think about it, couples find it just as annoying as you do when you latch onto their plans...  Making dinner reservations for three seems awkward, attending special events is odd, and cuddling together during movie night is a bit strange with the 'third wheel' munching on popcorn on the sofa next to them.  Not only that, but they may become frustrated by observing the freedoms you seem to have as a care-free single.  They will want you to join them in their misery.

Single people can leverage this mutually annoying scenario by purposefully becoming a major part in the social lives of local couples.  The couple will naturally feel inclined to scour their social networks for someone to date you.  Ultimately, if you can show them that you aren't going anywhere, then they will be forced to make a decision... either find you a partner to avoid the dreaded 'third wheel' social situation, or get rid of you as a friend (which they won't want to do because you are so cool).

So, my suggestion is to squeeze your way into to as many 'couple' social scenes as possible. You will often end up being the 'third-wheel' or maybe even the 'fifth-wheel' (or seventh, or ninth, or eleventh?) but most importantly you should strive to be the ODD WHEEL.  This 'oddness' can be your ticket out of Lonelyville.

The Hot/Crazy Theorem

How important are physical appearances when searching for a soulmate?  The answer might be within the question itself... isn't the mating of two souls really the elusive goal?

Consider Barney Stinson's  (How I Met Your Mother, Fall 2009) chart that illustrates the theory of hotness to craziness.  The hotter the girl, the crazier she seems to be.  I concur with this concept, having gathered a large amount of empirical data that suggests that there is indeed an odd correlation between these two traits.

Hmm, why do 'hot' people act crazier?  Perhaps because they have a disconnect between their percieved reality and the actual state of the world.  For example, they may be given preferential treatment, feel an unjustified sense of priviledge, or even be overlooked by promising dating candidates because they are 'out of their league'.  Many physically attractive people exist in a miserable state of solitude battling the extremes of narcissism and low self-esteem.

Keeping in mind the extra burden associated with dating a 'hot chic', it makes me wonder, then, what should a single person really be looking for in a potential date?  According to Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg's "5 Love Needs of Men and Women" (2000) it breaks down like this:

Top 5 Love Needs:

1) Men: Unconditional Love -   1) Women: Unconditional Love

2) Men: Sex -   2) Women: Communication

3) Men: Friendship -   3) Women: Spiritual Intimacy

4) Men: Encouragement -   4) Women: Encouragement

5) Men: Spiritual Connection - 5) Women: Friendship

I will post on this topic at a later time, however this list illustrates that the Beatles were right... "All You Need Is Love". 

Ok, now take a moment to envision someone you are interested in that you know is considered 'hot'... now envision a potential date that you don't consider to be so 'hot' physically, but would be available to you as an option, if you so desired...

Which one of these people would be able to best meet your need for 'Unconditional Love'?  Ultimately, that is going to be what sustains the relationship.  Feeling a sense of Love and Belonging is the most important need of the human condition.  Obtain this and happiness is a given.

I challenge you to take another look at your list of current dating interests.  Maybe you can move someone back over from the 'not interested' list to the 'maybe' or 'definately' list based on this concept.  If there happens to be someone that you consider 'hot' and who also would be very likely to meet your top 5 Love needs... step away from the computer and ask them out NOW!  That is a rare combination.  Worried about rejection?  Forget about it.  Remember 'hot' people are crazy, so you really can't take any of their actions too seriously.  If they happen to accept your invitation... congratulations! My work here is done.

The New Year's Eve Countdown Clock Ticks Away

Looking into my crystal ball... December 31st looks a little anti-climactic....Unfortunately, I don't see the 'New Year's Eve Kiss' in my future. There is still time, however, so the clock ticks away as I keep my eyes and ears open for a potential date.

THE 'WHO' QUESTION -
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5,4,3,2,1... Happy New Year!!!  Yeah, great, especially if you can start the new year off feeling connected to someone special.  Sort of another one of those high-pressure holidays, like Valentine's Day, where single people have a little more planning and preparation to attend to.  For those who are married or in a committed relationship, the night is quite simple, with the main questions being 'where' and 'what' to do.  Couples have a great fallback option as well.  They can simply opt to enjoy a quite yet romantic night at home, so even if they don't have a special event to attend, the evening can still be quite rewarding.  For singles, however, 'WHO?' becomes the most critical question to answer. 

I went wardrobe shopping Saturday, taking a casual female friend to help make sure I picked out a nice looking outfit.  I bought a suit that I can wear when I want to 'dress to impress' (weddings, New Year's Eve, partying at the Elms, etc.)  The idea is to 'suit up' in an effort to impress the ladies... as the ultimate bachelor, Barney Stinson demonstrates  on 'How I Met Your Mother'.

While we were in Davenport, we toured the downtown nightlife for a bit, enjoying karoake night a place called 'Boozies'.  My friend seemed to be forming several crushes on some of the men as they belted out songs by Guns and Roses, Led Zepplin, Third Eye Blind, etc... No one really caught my eye, but I did enjoy feeling self-assured, as I wore my new outfit.  I plan on 'suiting up' from time to time as I peruse various night spots. 

So, my advice for any single readers would be to start planning NOW for new year's eve.  You don't want to get stuck randomly scanning the room at 11:59 for someone to kiss.  2010 can by legendary!!!

Though this may end up being my fate, it doesn't have to be yours...If you do end up in that situation, I suggest grabbing a random stranger, and starting the new year off by exchanging a friendly kiss.  (NOTE: Due to the H1N1 pandemic, I would also suggest keeping your tongue to yourself.  Starting 2010 with the flu would NOT be so legendary)

Warped sense of beauty...

No wonder lots of people experience unhealthy anxiety related to their appearance....



I believe single people are more self-conscious about their appearance, as this is one of the aspects that they can use to potentially 'market' themselves to a mate.  However, this video should remind us, that we don't have to judge ourselves so strictly.  The images we are exposed to through mass media, aren't realistic standards.  Yet, there really does seem to be some pressure to be connected with an intimate partner.  I agree that life is enhanced when you share it with someone, however, it is important not to become discouraged, during those times when you are alone.  There are plenty of advantages to being single, and it is only a matter of time before your connection will present itself.

Everywhere you look within our culture, society seems to be suggesting that we are supposed to be either in a relationship or attempting to acquire one.  Maybe I gravitate towards TV programs like this, but consider the fact that the following programs all feature a single person and his/her attempts to satiate their intimate relationship need:

Two and a Half Men (both brothers are single, even kid is now looking for girlfriend)
New Adventures of a the Old Christine (Old Christine struggles with single status each episode)
CougarTown (Courtney Cox search for companionship)
30 Rock (Liz Lemmon)
Parks And Recreation (Each week someone on the show is advancing some sort of intimate relationship)
Gary Unmarried (Gary is trying to get with his boss)
How I met your mother (Entire show is about dating)
Scrubs (plenty of single doctors)

While it may be highly desireable to have someone to love and to connect with, it isn't the end of the world if you are alone.  Sure it can be inconvenient, and society may make you feel like there is something wrong with you if you aren't with someone...  but rest assured, love will come to you naturally.  Until then, it is all about loving and respecting yourself, as well as your friends and family.  Being confident, strong and assertive will be the most attractive approach you can aspire towards.

Thankful for the 'Mommy Suit'

Personally, I appreciate it when unavailable women (i.e. married mothers) scale back their appearance efforts.  Wearing a floppy hat and gaudy swimsuit that covers your midriff area communicates to single men that you are 'off the market' and/or 'not interested'.  It is complicated enough trying to figure out who may be available without hot mommy's running around teasing frustrated bachelors.

Another consideration, it can be challenging for guys in relationships to refrain from 'appreciating' an attracitive female.  In fact, many relationships ultimately fail because of the insecurities caused when attractive females enter a man's field of view.  Problem solved when gals sport the 'mommy suit'.  When girls cover up and limit sexual non-verbal communication, it really does make a man's life easier, single or attached.   

If you are a single person, this is a great time to maximize your attractiveness (whatever that means to you) and have fun 'playing the game'.  But, if you aren't single, the pressure is off, enjoy your relationship for all that it can provide while appreciating the other wonderous aspects of your life that make it a joy to simply be alive.

Crush-INc. Muscatine Speed Dating

I think this idea has some potential.  I know that there are plenty of single people in this town who wouldn't be opposed to enhancing the quality of their lives by adding an intimate relationship to their situation. I see a breakdown in communication as one of the reasons why some people aren't able to meet anyone special and/or settling for someone who they aren't truly compatible with. 

I will be developing the idea over the next few weeks.  Any suggestions or feedback about local speed dating may be useful. 

I featured this concept on the Muscatine In-box. 

The inspiration came to me as I was looking at an acquaintance's photos on facebook, and felt my heart begin to race. I was 'crushin'. Sort of a neat feeling. It think it is healthy and vitalizing to have a few 'crushes'. 

So, the idea is to create an event that breaks down the barriers to communication that seem to be present in the Muscatine singles scene by having singles of similar ages participate in 6 minute speed dates with about 10 people. No rejection, as I would simply email any 'crushes' the next day to those who expressed interest in each other. The owner of the Missippi Brew actually suggested it, so this is the real deal.

I am planning on speed dating in the quad cities to see what it is all about, and then hope to have a speed dating event in Muscatine February 12th.

Single Guy Field Report

I went out in search of new connections Saturday night in the Muscatine area.  I met a group of 3 other friends at the Pearl in Downtown Muscatine.  We settled in to some pretty stimulating conversations, which made for a worthwhile evening.  I couldn't help to notice, however, that we really could have saved ourselves  some money and effort and just hung out at somebody's house, because we didn't acknowledge anyone else in the room except for the waitress as she took our orders.  It wasn't just us, everyone seemed to keep to themselves.  I know people 'go out', as opposed to 'stay in', because they are open to new relationships (friend, business, intimate, etc.), yet I didn't see a lot of mingling.

Then we went to the Elms, which is under new ownership, so turning in to a bit of a hang-out.  I immediately fell in love with their 'elvis booth' and had an alright time chatting it up with one of the new owners, who is a friend. People were mingling much more at this scene, unfortunately there weren't necessarily any compatible females, with respect to my dating aspirations, but for the most part, another worthwhile stop.

Dating Client - Barton

Name: Barton Hometown: Libertyville
Age: 20 Height: 6'2", 185lbs
Body Type: Athletic/Fit Muscular
Marital History: Single/Never
Children?: No Children
Employment: Student/Geneva Country Club
Do You Smoke: No
Do You Drink: NA Education: Some College





Dating Strengths: Good sense of humor, honest, athletic, healthy, likes to party, not controlling, takes grandma to church on Sunday, looking for casual dating,

About Your Match: Female, Athletic/Energetic, Pretty, trusting, age 18-35, single,

Hobbies/Passions: Enjoys exercising, playing piano

Favorite Music/TV/Movies: Likes all kinds of music

Be sure to check out the video clip from Barton's Muscatine Matchmaker TV interview!

If you are interested in this client, please email a dating application to the Muscatine Matchmaker. We need some information/photos to verify compatibility with the dating client. If we feel there is a 'match' we will proceed to exchange contact information. We will only 'match' people who we feel have a good chance of creating a successful relationship.

Dating Client - Chad

Name: Chad     Hometown: Muscatine
Physical:  5'11",  175lbs.
Body Type: Athletic/Fit
Marital History: Single/Never Married   
Children Under 18 Living at Home:  No
Employment: MCC Video Dept/ Small Business Owner
Do You Smoke: No     Do You Drink: No    
Education: 4 Year Degree
(Currently obtaining Master's Degree in Mental Health)


About Yourself (Brief Bio/History):  I have lived in a variety of places, but settled back in Muscatine,  and am now ready to settle into a committed relationship.  I went to the University of Iowa, majoring in Communications with a Media and Film emphasis.  I am inspired by the concept of helping others with relationship and marital issues as I navigate through my own journey as a single man in a small town.  I am ready to 'settle down' and would be considered 'marriage-minded'. I want to be a great 'partner', building the best life possible for those close to me.

 
Dating Strengths:  Good sense of humor, financially independent, physically fit, energetic, relationship specialist, intelligent, good listener, creative, great recreational partner open to new activities. Open to commitment and appreciative of family values.  I am interested in helping my partner reach their fullest potential.

About Your Match:  Female, 25 to 38 years old, non-smoker, intelligent, physically fit, active, athletic/healthy body type, marriage-minded, values partnership, inspiring, independent. Appreciative of  art/music/cinema.  Not appreciative of NASCAR or Country Music.

Hobbies/Passions:  I enjoy training and competing in cycling events.  I spend free time studying mental health therapy, focusing on relationship issues, as part of my master's degree program.  I appreciate expressing myself through art and media such as photography and filmaking.

TV/Movies:  Community, My Name is Earl, 30 Rock, Simpsons, Sara Silverman, South Park, The Office, Intervention, Biggest Loser, 48 Hours Mystery, Dateline, Judge Mathis, Vanilla Sky, Natural Born Killers, Celebrity Rehab, Cougartown.

Favorite Music: Alternative, Rock, Hip Hop, Electronica

(Flaming Lips, Mercury Rev, Smashing Pumkins, Fat Boy Slim, Polysponic Spree, Postal Service, Matt and Kim, Angels and Airwaves, Jane's Addiction, Weezer, Pixies, Muse, M83, Antlers, Big Pink, Beck, Spiritualized, Maps, Sparklehorse, Yo La Tengo, NIN, Snoop Dogg, etc.)

(Above:  Here I am leading the pack at the 2009 Iowa State Crit Championships)

If you are interested in this client, please email a dating application to the Muscatine Matchmaker.  We need some information/photos to verify compatibility with the dating client.  If we feel there is a 'match' we will proceed to exchange contact information.  We will only 'match' people who we feel have a good chance of creating a successful relationship.

The Rule of '3's'

No, I'm not talking about the well known rule that celebrities die in groups of three (i.e. Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMann), but the rule of 3's that addresses picking up women at bars...

You see, a man has the best chances of success when attempting to hook up with a girl who is in a group with two other girls, than any other numerical combination.

First consider a group of two girls...  You can't really go up to that twosome and instigate a conversation that doesn't seem to be interupting something.  And, more importantly, the girl you are asking out wouldn't be willing to leave her girlfriend alone the rest of the evening, so things can only go so far.

Sure, making conversation with the lonely looking girl sitting by herself at the bar is tempting, but 9 out of ten times she is simply waiting for her boyfriend.  Or, worse yet, she is desperate and manipulative, hoping to entice her prey with her 'wounded smile' approach.

What about groups of 4 or more girls?  Well, those are either bridal parties or a bunch of married/attached women at a 'girls night out' event. But, even if they are not... way too confusing. 

So, that leaves the threesome as the best option, statistically, for the single male to approach.  One of these girls is the DD (designated driver).  Stay away from her!  She will definately bust your game.  Make sure to provide her with a good impression, though, as she will ultimately be making the call regarding whether or not you and 'the chosen one' get to extend your evening in private.

There will also be another DD (designated drunk).  Ok, this girl isn't worth the risk.  She may be hot, but stay away, as for whatever reason, she has 'issues' tonight.  Her main role will be to keep the other DD occupied while you escape with 'the chosen one'. 

Ahh, 'the chosen one'...The girl who caught your eye from across the crowded room and returned your adoring gaze.  Approach with confidence, knowing that 'three' is a magical number, statistically proven to provide you with favorable odds of making a lasting connection.  Good Luck!

Ok class, today's word is Butter Face...

1.Butter Face
n. A girl who is hot, except for her (but her, butter) face.
2.Butter Face
A homonym that sounds like "but her face." To call a woman a "butter face" is to say her body is very sexy but her face is ugly.

No worries, this can apply to men as well.  Some celebrities that might clarify...Carrot Top , Tori Spelling , Danny Bonaduce, etc. 

Being single, I do spend some time thinking about what I find 'compatible' in a female mate, and I have to say that having an attractive body is way up there on my 'list'. Even experts agree that when it comes to sexual attraction, an in-shape physique plays a large role. 

Luckily, most people have a certain amount of control regarding what their body looks like.  Faces are more of a genetic endowment situation, but determined (maybe insecure is a better word), men and women can compensate for other deficiencies (both physical and/or mental) by toning their body through diet and exercise.

I exercise alot, which maybe leads to my predispostion to dating a female with a fit body.  I stumbled upon an article that may help clarify some men's motivation to exercise: Lift More Weights, Get More Mates: Research Shows Muscular Men Have More Flings

My workouts have shifted from all cycling, to half cycling, half weight lifting(& kick-boxing).  As I focus in on the process of finding a bride, I am deciding to add a muscular physique to my presentation, and see how that may shake things up.  I might not win as many bike races next year, but after all, isn't  'getting the girl' the real trophy?

Maybe you are have a  butter body (hot face, not so hot body), it really is all good. When it comes down to it, looks fade, but true love can be forever. Also fortuitous is the fact that some men/women even prefer larger body types.  What characteristics are 'hot' is subjective, and varies depending on the person.

What do girls prefer? In a recent study, women rated "toned" guys - the physical type two notches down from "brawny" - as the most sexually attractive because "they're not so overloaded with testosterone that they are volatile, aggressive and dominant,"

Still, in a study by Frederick and Haselton of 82 college coeds, most women reported that their short-term partners were more muscular than their long-term ones. They characterized their long-term - and presumably less muscular - partners as more trustworthy and romantic than their one-night stands or brief affairs.

"This suggests that the sweet-guy approach works better for less muscular men," Frederick said. "The muscular men don't need to put in this kind of effort, especially for a short-term relationship."
 
Hmm, confusing...I am not so good at being a 'sweet-guy' but I can sure do a lot of bench pressess...Ok I am going to keep working out just in case, and keep my options open with respect to who I will consider dating... after all Jimmy Soul may have a point...

"If you wanna be happy For the rest of your life,

Never make a pretty woman your wife,

So from my personal point of view,

Get an ugly girl to marry you.

A pretty woman makes her husband look small
And very often causes his downfall.
As soon as he marries her then she starts to do
The things that will break his heart.

But if you make an ugly woman your wife,
You'll be happy for the rest of your life,
An ugly woman cooks her meals on time,
She'll always give you peace of mind

Don't let your friends say You have no taste,
Go ahead and marry anyway,
Though her face is ugly, her eyes don't match,
Take it from me she's a better catch"

Get Married or Die...

Did you know that married men have a life expectancy that is about 10 years longer than men who have remained single all of their lives? This is a statistic that can get you thinking. 

One explanation: Single men live dangerously to compete with other young men for status, resources and, of course, women.   I can also suggest that, being single can be both exhausting and stressful.  Single people seem to stay out later, sleep less and engage in more un-healthy activities.  Lonliness also leads to mental health issues that can shorten your lifespan.  Ok, so this suggests to get a wife, a partner or at least a lot of friends... Married men live longer.

Further evidence for this data was apparent as I observed single and male social patterns at a Halloween party I recently attended.  It wasn't a large affair, there were about 6 couples and 6 singles. 

First, I have to give the married couples credit for leaving the house, many others in their situation were at home watching scary movies and trying to bore themselves to sleep.  Yet, as the night lingered on, one by one, the married people began to leave.  It really was relatively early (around 11pm was when they began their exit strategies).

Of note, though, the single people weren't leaving.  Well, why would we?  We don't have anywhere else to be, no real major obligations, so basically free to see if the night can possibly reward us with something more. The married people, on the other hand, had no real reason to stay (perhaps no real reason to be there in the first place, but that is a different story).

Once we had cleared out all of the married/engaged people, the party finally started to get interesting.  The conversations were more stimulating and we could relate to each better, producing a more satisfying connection.  As far as life expectancy goes, however, the married people were at home getting plenty of sleep,while us single people were contemplating which bar to go to(several local establishments were having halloween parties).  I ended up staying up really late, and being exhausted the next day.  No worries, though, sleeping through most of Sunday isn't a big deal when you live alone.

I do know of some marriages, however, that are so volatile and stressful, that the partners are indeed taking years off of their lives simply by perpetuating their awful relationships.  The stress of arguing and feeling trapped can be even more detrimental than engaging in the single life.

So, if you can't get a partner, get a life... have lots of friends to keep you happy and healthy.  Maintaining friends, however, can take quite a bit of effort as well.  I would prefer to just have one really really close friend... a girlfriend/wife, and then a handful of couples as friends...  In the meantime, the journey continues... thanks for reading.

MATCHMAKER TV
I am still looking for a qualified candidate to be the first guest on Muscatine Matchmaker TV.  Our staff will produce a video profile of you and then interview you at the channel nine studios.  Interested viewers will email the Matchmaker their dating information/photos/etc. If we find a 'Match' we will help organize the first contacts (phone call or email)  and help arrange a first date (if their seems to be chemistry).  Apply today!

Muscatine Area Designated Singles Spot

The Missippi Brew recently won the 'Best Singles Place' award in the Muscatine Journal's Reader's Choice publication.  This got me thinking about several random topics:

MADSS
Maybe there should be a 'Designated Singles Spot'. There isn't anyway to make this official, but if area singles can agree to gravitate towards a specific weekend night spot, it really would make the process of meeting people in similar relationship situations more efficient.  Wouldn't it be nice to go into an establishment, knowing that everyone is single, and potentially interested in meeting you, given there is some chemistry? 

MIDDLE SCHOOL DANCES
The MADSS would be sort of like a 'Singles Dance'...  Back in my early years, just past puberty, this sort of thing was known as a middle school dance (at the old YMCA).  Sure it was awkward watching some of the more mature 6th grade girls making out with the 8th grade boys, but how exhilarating to be in a room full of girls eagerly anticipating the birth of a new relationship.  Though I was inspired when the DJ played Madonna's 'Crazy For You' or Motley Crew's 'Smokin' in the Boys Room', I never really talked to any of the girls, just sat along the wall trying to get up the nerve to ask one of them to dance... didn't happen.

Oh, how much has changed... ooops, same thing, I still sit along the wall, trying to get the nerve to talk to seemingly compatible females.  But now, I look back, and I want a second chance at the middle school dance scene.  No, I am not planning on stalking 13 year olds, but I think we can bring back the general concept of a middle school dance to the Muscatine weekend singles scene.

BANNING MARRIED/INVOLVED PEOPLE
Ok, if you are married or in a committed relationship, I respectfully ask that you leave the yet to be named  MADSS.  Whether it ends up being the Brew, The Pearl, Hubbles, or One More Round, there is no reason for you guys to be here after 11pm.  Get out! Go home and make out with your spouse.  The rest of us are most likely going to be making out with ourselves tonight, so enjoy the simplicity of your situation.

Your presence confuses and complicates things. Sure, I suppose we can try and look for a wedding ring, but come on, wouldn't it just be easier if you just left in a timely fashion?  What can the bar possibly have to offer married folks after 11pm, barring some sort of alcoholic co-dependency?  If you insist on lingering, at least make sure to be WITH your spouse so there isn't any confusion.  Flaunting the shiny happy couple thing you got going on will be frustrating to lonely single people, but perhaps a bit inspiring as well. 

If you are married, and hanging out sans partner after 11pm at the bars.. well, you might as well fill out a dating application, because you will be joining the Muscatine Single Scene soon... guaranteed, or your money back. This is the land of the lost... divorce is just around the corner for married souls who dare enter.

EMBRACE YOUR OUTER UGLINESS
Since some of you married/attached peeps are going to insist upon mucking up the dating scene, perhaps you can at least agree to 'embrace your outer ugliness'. Sure you are a beautiful person on the inside, so why tease lonely single men/women by maintaining your attractiveness in public.  You won, you attracted a mate, now enjoy one of the perks...you can 'let yourself  go'.  No need to exercise or wear fashionable clothing.  Make-up is no longer necessary for the women, and clean clothes are optional for the married men.  Your ugliness can serve as a form of communication to us single types that you are respecting our situation by not becoming one of our temptations.

Why would you want to be attractive to single people?  Is your self-esteem really that low that you need to be 'hit-on' at bars?  It is your spouses job to provide you with daily ego-boosts, not ours.  So put on your sweatpants and stuff your face full of cream-filled donuts prior to your 'night out on the town'. 

VOTE for the MADSS...
Ok, so if I can convince the married/attached people to establish an 'uglier' lifestyle and leave the MADSS by 11pm, all that is left is for us to agree on the spot.  I have screened out the options to include four establishments that seem conducive to re-creating the middle school dance dating scene.  After we have officially given the MADSS award, we can begin to meet there Saturday nights from 10pm to 1:30am.

Personally, I voted for 'One More Round'.  It has a dark and trippy dance floor that is hosted by a DJ with all sorts of music.  He plays a lot of 80's heavy metal early on, but kicks in a nice dance club scene for a bit around 11pm.... perfect.  Maybe he will put on some cheesy slow jam from the 80's and I can thoroughly realize my 'middle school flashback'.

So it is time to get MAD! Maybe, just maybe my DREAM will become I reality.... I will be given that 'second chance' to make up for the lost opportunities of my younger years by hitting on single adult women at the 80's bar. ...dare to dream Mr. Matchmaker.... dare to dream.

Downtown Dating Scene Field Report

Where are most married couples at 1am on a Sunday Morning?... asleep.  They most likely have just clicked off Saturay Night Live, perhaps enjoying each others intimate connection, and dosed off anticipating the family friendly projects they have planned for Sunday. 

On the contrary, single people in Muscatine can often be found engaging in the 'networking' processes at various night club establishments, predominantly located in the downtown area.  So, reluctantly, I 'play the game' which does include tyring to get 'out there' especially on weekend nights.  There really isn't any reason to be 'out' after 11pm if you are married or in a serious relationship, hence this makes for the perfect time to search for a mate.  Lots of people prowling around, open to making new acquaintances.

Do people really find true love at bars?  My experience would suggest that they don't.  However, one has a greater chance of meeting a potential partner by going out on weekend nights as opposed to watching SNL with their pet.  So, I will continue to go out from time to time.  However, I can't wait to put this process behind me, as it is frustrating and some of my personality traits limit my potential for success.

I started at The Pearl, and brought my camera along hoping to maybe do some interviews documenting the nightlife in small-town America. Really was a good atmosphere with good music, romantic ambience, and a crowd that I feel relatively comfortable around.  There were plenty of attractive people there Saturday, however I wasn't quite able to 'connect' with any of them.

It seems that an unwritten dating rule is that the man approaches the woman.  Unfortunately, I am sort of introverted when it comes to talking to attractive single females, so the available women really served no purpose for me except to aggravate my frustrations.  I have plenty of strengths, but picking up chics in bars is not one of them.   So, the empty chair in the picture on the left sort of illustrates the situation... Always Searching. I should note that I don't drink anymore, so I really spent most of my time overthinking everything, but hope to be able to 'relax' more during future outings.


I then headed off to 'One More Round'.  This bar has a nice dance floor and DJ, so it has potential for more 'hooking up'.  The late night grope fest that sometimes occurs in a club atmosphere can be conducive to establishing intimacy with a stranger.  Again, I really just ended up staring at people who seemed to be having fun and then took off.

I did meet some interesting people along the way...

I logged almost 3 hours of primetime single-guy night life... really a good accomplishment considering how painful I find the notion of this specific form of social interaction.  I prefer to meet people through a common activity, and therefore also involve myself in groups such as the Muscatine Cycling Club, Pearl City Players, Community Y fitness classes, etc.

You never know, maybe on one of these late night downtown experiences, an extroverted and compatible female will instigate a life changing interaction with me that leads to a fulfilling long-term relationship.  Yeah, the odds aren't in favor of this, however, because it is technically possible, I will continue to experiment and look forward to the day when I can put this process behind me once and for all.

Do you have any thoughts about the downtown dating scene, or maybe even any suggestions for alternate activities for singles?  Feel free to post your comments, as others may find them insightful.  I am hoping that readers will get involved in this project.  By pooling our resources we should be able to change the lives of local community members... maybe even your own.

(The street interview and misc. Muscatine Matchmaker insight will be broadcast as part of the Muscatine 'IN-Box' TV show on Access Channel Nine which airs Thursday at 12pm, 5pm & 10pm and Fri/Saturdays at 2pm & 7pm. This video clip is also available within the 'Video Bar' section, which links to my Matchmaker YouTube channel.)

The Wing Woman

First let me explain what a 'WINGMAN' is for those not versed in the single-guy culture.  A wingman is a term used to describe a male friend that accomanies another male friend (the pilot) with the sole purpose of helping him navigate the 'plane' successfully toward the destination (Hookupville).  The wingman keeps his eyes and ears open for potential opportunities with respect to available females.  He always serves to represent his buddy's best interests, helping him seem as attractive to the opposite sex as possible. This may include instigating conversations with women and then discretely introducing subject matter that exposes his friend's best characteristics.  And, simply enough, he is supportive of the night's common cause... getting 'out there' within the single scene in hopes of networking future relationships.  The mere presence of a wingman allows the 'pilot' to conduct his mating procedures with more confidence and direction, as it would be more difficult to fly these missions solo.

Well, I haven't really been having any success with this 'wingman' approach.  In fact, finding a good wingman is becoming next to impossible, as most of the good ones have journeyed over to the 'other side' and gotten married.  Fortunately, I believe I have an even better approach... the Wing Woman.  Instead of hanging out with another single dude, I am going to experiment with attending various social events with another single female.  The main qualification is that she understands her roles (see above) and that we not be interested in each other romantically, only as friends.

As you can see by the photo, the wingwoman is communicating to other females an acceptance of her friend.  He actually seems to look more attractive just by his proximity to her.  Her attractivness is almost rubbing off on to him (guilt by assocation).  The nonverbal communication is that this guy has a certain 'something' that makes him a worthy companion.

Even more specific to the benefits of bringing a wing woman instead of a wingman, is the fact that she will be more keyed into what other women want, and can use her female intuition to guide me towards the single women that seem to be interested in me.  We will have to be careful that others don't assume we are dating.  Though this challenge would excite potential female suitors, it will defeat the purpose of interacting with available singles. 

I am planning on continuing my research of  Muscatine Mating Habits this Saturday night by conducting video interviews of people I meet at various downtown establishments.  I will be taking dating applications as well, hoping to sign up my first Matchmaker candidate.

I have a large skillset of 'Matchmaking' tools available.  However, it may take some time to find someone willing to expose their available status to area residents.  In small town America, everything is everyone's business and privacy is at a premium. It will take a confident individual, not worried about 'what other people think'.  There is no reason to be ashamed of being single, it is perfectly natural.  By putting yourself in front of as many dating candidates as possible, you increase your likelihood of finding 'THE ONE' not just 'another one'.  Many relationships fail because people settled for partners they weren't compatible with in the first place.  Don't let this be you.

Life is too short to live it any other way except to it's fullest.  Don't spend time alone that could be spent enjoying the benefits of life partnership.  Everything is just that much more possible with a companion.  I can help make this happen quicker than you can alone.  Sign up today!  Others may be inspired by your lead, and I can start to reduce the lonely plight of the small-town single.

Muscatine Matchmaker Application

Thanks for your interest in marketing your dating availability on Muscatine Matchmaker!  Simply email the Muscatine Matchmaker your responses to the application below and make sure to attach a picture or two. You will be profiled on a future post and listed within the 'Available Muscatine Singles' portion of this site.  You may even have an opportunity to be profiled for the upcoming TV show.

Dating Match Application

Name: _________________________________    Hometown: _______________________

Age: _____________        Gender: _________            Height: ___________

Body Type:   Skinny    Average    Athletic/Fit     Muscular   Curvy     Full-Figured    Husky   Large

Marital History:      Single/Never Married     Divorced

Children?:     Yes, At Home      Yes, But not at home      No Children

Employment: ______________________   Do You Smoke: _______     Do You Drink: _______

Education:  High School   Technical Degree    Associates Degree    4 Year Degree   Masters/Doctorate

About Yourself (Brief Bio/History):

Dating Strengths:

About Your Match:

Hobbies/Passions:

Favorite Music/TV/Movies:

Would you like to be considered for a video profile which will be displayed on the TV show and on this site?

Would you be interested in being a co-host or special guest on the TV show?
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Email to Muscatine Matchmaker along with photo(s) and any additional information, or questions.
NOTE: By submitting this infromation, you are authorizing the website adminstrator to post the provided information/media to this site.  This information will NOT be shared to third-party companies, spammers, etc.  You can request to remove your application at any time. This service is absolutely FREE to qualified candidates.   We reserve the right to refuse service.

The Date Weight Trap

I assumed the concept of 'Date Weight' was common knowledge, but have been getting some puzzled looks when I explain my observations of this phenomenon.  Basically, I have noticed that many people (particularly females) seem to have two different weights that they maintain based on their single status.  Single females tend to be 20 to 30 pounds lighter than females who are in a serious relationship or married.  What's the deal?

Ok, this isn't that hard to figure out, and actually one of the more positive aspects of being single... singles interested in attracting an intimate partner seem to have increased motivation to display a more healthy physical appearance. Makes sense.  If your house is for sale, you will want to put a fresh coat of paint on it so that it is more appealing to potential buyers.

One of the first thoughts that cross my mind when I see that someone has lost a lot of weight is to wonder if they have recently gone through some sort of break up that has made them suddenly available for dating. It isn't easy to maintain a healthy body weight these days, and often what is lacking in those that struggle is the motivation to exercise and eat sensibly.  Well, it can be very motivating when you are trying to 'compete' with other singles, to be as healthy looking as possible.

Why is it more attractive to be at a healthy body weight?  Humans are instinctively attracted to a mate who appears to possess longevity and the ability to support a family structure.  Being obese reduces life expectancy due to increased risk  of certain diseases including  heart disease, diabetes, and cancer. Therefore, it is perfectly natural to feel a certain sort of attraction to a partner that will potentially be physically capable of raising children for the longer term.  The converse holds true as well.  People who are too thin project an unhealthy vibe and can also be percieved as unattractive.

So, the date weight trap then, is to reduce your body weight to its most attractive state, only to 'let yourself go' once you have established the monogamous relationship.  The other partner consequently, has sort of been mislead.

I really don't think this is a 'trap' however.  Once you have committed to a partner, it really won't matter how much they weigh, inate pair-bonding emotions will take over, and love hormones will allow you to accept your partner regardless of their physical disposition.  The key, though, is to get your foot in the door.

And, I will fully support anything that helps motivate people to get in better shape, as 67% of the American population is currently overweight and/or obese.   Unfortunately, the initial stages of attraction are based on physical first impressions.  Internet dating combats this slightly, allowing people to get to know each other before meeting physically, however, for the most part, you still need to present your best so you can attract a compatible mate. 

I can't think of any real downside to making it a goal to be at 'date weight' if you are single person in Muscatine hoping to attract an intimate partner.  I am not suggesting that singles obsess about their weight, however.  Your outer shell won't ultimately be what attracts your soul mate...given the proper amount of time, patience and a bit of luck you will find true love by simply 'being yourself'... I am merely suggesting that establishing your date weight may quicken the process.

Dating Tip: Small Town Style & the Jock Block

Smaller towns tend to have a more restrictive dress code with respect to male fashion. A night on the town in Muscatine will reveal a large represtation of men wearing caps (camoflouge, baseball, college, etc.), hooded sweatshirts w/ logo (rock bands, farm equipment, tool brands, etc.), blue jeans and some sort of boot. This is a safe bet, and actually won't 'scare off' the average Muscatine single female.

During the warmer months, t-shirts with clever verbage are popular... Not too sure about wearing this t-shirt (pictured  on the right) for an engagement photo.... but what do I know? After all, he is getting married.

If you deviate from this small-town culture by over-dressing you will be setting yourself up for the infamous 'jock-block'. Your masculinity will be in question (i.e. metro-sexual), which is an attempt by competing males to elimate some of the competition by placing them 'out of the game' or 'on the other team'.

If you have a subscription to GQ, Maxim, Men's Health, etc. and want to emulate some of the fashions featured in those magazines... hmm, you are in the wrong town. Though you may catch the eye of the discerning female, chances are she will assume you aren't interested in her.  So if you are headed to the bowling alley, grab your hoodie and blue jeans, and leave the button-ups and khakis for the 'big-city' folk.

eHarmony for Muscatine Singles

Ok, I have to admit to trying a few internet dating sites.  Unfortunately, this is where being from a small town really screws things up. First of all, it is a bit embarassing.  Everyone seems to know everyone, so broadcasting your single status seems awkward (obviously I have gotten over that).  And, more importantly, once the sites filter out unqualified candidates you are usually left with zero compatible local matches.

The obvious solution (aside from moving), is to open things up to include matches from surrounding communities.  The only site that seems to actually be worth the time, effort and money is eHarmony.  I have been on this service off and on for about a year and can report that I have had a certain level of success.  Oddly, there has only ever been one Muscatine match, but it was actually a girl I had been interested in, so I was pleasantly surprised.  This service does, in fact, do a good job of only presenting you compatible matches.She didn't respond to my request for communication, and thus the story continues.

My most recent 'success story' involves a girl who seemed to be my perfect match.  Our emails to each other were completely hilarious... we seemed to really 'get' each other.  She shared my passion for competitive fitness (namely cycling), was a surgeon (sweet!), funny, intelligent, and seemed attractive.  We had a lot in common, definately not 'opposites'.  Our phone conversations, however weren't as smooth as our emails (seriously, some of our correspondence could be published, good stuff), but I was determined to see this thing through.

I was suspicious when she mentioned she liked heavy metal, was obsessed with the Green Bay packers and watching football, and mentioned she could relate to feeling singled out for being a female in male-dominated careers (like welding, surgery, etc.).  None of these things are bad, just signs that maybe we weren't as compatible as I thought.  Could I have chemistry with someone who seems to really be 'one of the guys'?

Well, nervously we met at a restaurant in Iowa City.  Instantly we both had the same reaction... sort of a 'meet and greet' type date but no chemistry.  The 'friend' vibe was overwhelming, and we both felt it.  Very disappointing.  We emailed a couple of times, but ultimately the name of the game is love, not friendship, so we have both moved on.

Chad's Dating Post #1 - My Journey Begins...

Yeah right, the journey began many,many years ago.  I have been single for a really long time.  Sure I've had a couple of 'starter relationships' but for the most part I've done this 'living' thing alone.  It seems like I know what I'm looking for now and have matured enough to actually be a good catch.  My career is solid, my education is growing, my fitness is improving, and my emotions are maturing.

Now that I am getting older, it seems like I am even more focused on finding a female to share my life with.  This wouldn't be such a noteworthy situation, I mean there are plenty of single guys and gals running around 'looking for love', but I feel being single in such a small town makes this sort of a unique experience.  (And by unique I mean virtually hopeless).

Sure, I could expand my dating pool to include neighboring cities like Iowa City, Davenport, Cedar Rapids, etc., but I am inpsired by the challenge of actually meeting someone right here in Muscatine.  I know she exists, at least statistically (I think I may have even seen her at the gas station as I drove by).  I also feel that there may indeed only be ONE person that I am compatible with in this town. Think of the fun I am going to have as I navigate the Muscatine singles scene in search of this ONE single female.

 If you start to filter the Muscatine population by eliminating those who don't fit my basic dating qualifications (dudes, married chics, under/over aged, country music lovers, smokers, minimally educated, etc.) you would be left with a very small number of potential candidates.  Of those that are left, we don't know each other exists and are available, so most likely won't meet.  If we did, it wouldn't be a given that we would have good chemistry, which would mean they wouldn't be compatible either.

So you can see I have got my work cut out for me.  Join in my quest. Put a little love in your heart.  By following my misadventures you may stumble upon a certain kind of love of your own.  I will be presenting my experiences, some personal observations and single-guy perspectives, but I also hope to feature other Muscatine singles (age 25 and older) in an attempt to help others free themselves from this lonely scenario.

Stay tuned.

Welcome to the Muscatine Matchmaker Official Website!

Check back as the TV show develops.  This site will chronicle my trials and tribulations as a single guy in the extremely small dating pool that is Muscatine IA.  There will also be dating advice and, of course, single people looking for matches!

I will be taking applications for a FEMALE MATCHMAKER to co-host the show with me and MUSCATINE SINGLES who would like to be featured on the upcoming local access channel TV program.