Maybe there should be a 'Designated Singles Spot'. There isn't anyway to make this official, but if area singles can agree to gravitate towards a specific weekend night spot, it really would make the process of meeting people in similar relationship situations more efficient. Wouldn't it be nice to go into an establishment, knowing that everyone is single, and potentially interested in meeting you, given there is some chemistry?
MIDDLE SCHOOL DANCES
The MADSS would be sort of like a 'Singles Dance'... Back in my early years, just past puberty, this sort of thing was known as a middle school dance (at the old YMCA). Sure it was awkward watching some of the more mature 6th grade girls making out with the 8th grade boys, but how exhilarating to be in a room full of girls eagerly anticipating the birth of a new relationship. Though I was inspired when the DJ played Madonna's 'Crazy For You' or Motley Crew's 'Smokin' in the Boys Room', I never really talked to any of the girls, just sat along the wall trying to get up the nerve to ask one of them to dance... didn't happen.
Oh, how much has changed... ooops, same thing, I still sit along the wall, trying to get the nerve to talk to seemingly compatible females. But now, I look back, and I want a second chance at the middle school dance scene. No, I am not planning on stalking 13 year olds, but I think we can bring back the general concept of a middle school dance to the Muscatine weekend singles scene.
BANNING MARRIED/INVOLVED PEOPLE
Ok, if you are married or in a committed relationship, I respectfully ask that you leave the yet to be named MADSS. Whether it ends up being the Brew, The Pearl, Hubbles, or One More Round, there is no reason for you guys to be here after 11pm. Get out! Go home and make out with your spouse. The rest of us are most likely going to be making out with ourselves tonight, so enjoy the simplicity of your situation.
Your presence confuses and complicates things. Sure, I suppose we can try and look for a wedding ring, but come on, wouldn't it just be easier if you just left in a timely fashion? What can the bar possibly have to offer married folks after 11pm, barring some sort of alcoholic co-dependency? If you insist on lingering, at least make sure to be WITH your spouse so there isn't any confusion. Flaunting the shiny happy couple thing you got going on will be frustrating to lonely single people, but perhaps a bit inspiring as well.
If you are married, and hanging out sans partner after 11pm at the bars.. well, you might as well fill out a dating application, because you will be joining the Muscatine Single Scene soon... guaranteed, or your money back. This is the land of the lost... divorce is just around the corner for married souls who dare enter.
EMBRACE YOUR OUTER UGLINESS
Since some of you married/attached peeps are going to insist upon mucking up the dating scene, perhaps you can at least agree to 'embrace your outer ugliness'. Sure you are a beautiful person on the inside, so why tease lonely single men/women by maintaining your attractiveness in public. You won, you attracted a mate, now enjoy one of the perks...you can 'let yourself go'. No need to exercise or wear fashionable clothing. Make-up is no longer necessary for the women, and clean clothes are optional for the married men. Your ugliness can serve as a form of communication to us single types that you are respecting our situation by not becoming one of our temptations.
Why would you want to be attractive to single people? Is your self-esteem really that low that you need to be 'hit-on' at bars? It is your spouses job to provide you with daily ego-boosts, not ours. So put on your sweatpants and stuff your face full of cream-filled donuts prior to your 'night out on the town'.
VOTE for the MADSS...
Ok, so if I can convince the married/attached people to establish an 'uglier' lifestyle and leave the MADSS by 11pm, all that is left is for us to agree on the spot. I have screened out the options to include four establishments that seem conducive to re-creating the middle school dance dating scene. After we have officially given the MADSS award, we can begin to meet there Saturday nights from 10pm to 1:30am.
Personally, I voted for 'One More Round'. It has a dark and trippy dance floor that is hosted by a DJ with all sorts of music. He plays a lot of 80's heavy metal early on, but kicks in a nice dance club scene for a bit around 11pm.... perfect. Maybe he will put on some cheesy slow jam from the 80's and I can thoroughly realize my 'middle school flashback'.
So it is time to get MAD! Maybe, just maybe my DREAM will become I reality.... I will be given that 'second chance' to make up for the lost opportunities of my younger years by hitting on single adult women at the 80's bar. ...dare to dream Mr. Matchmaker.... dare to dream.
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