NEW YEAR's EVE at the ELMS

Not so looking forward to a New Year's Eve without a date, I accepted an opportunity to DJ a New Year's Eve Party at the Elms (south Muscatine near by-pass on HWY 61)...

Should be a good time, I have a good taste in music.  If you like to get dressed up, and bump & grind on the dance floor, this is the place to be.  Keeping in mind that I am an aspiring relationship specialist/matchmaker..I will make sure to play some slow jams too, so there will be plenty of opportunities for chemistry to develop.

I don't drink, so I am sensitive to 'responsible drinking'.  We arranged to have a volunteer designated driver that will be available to shuttle people home. 

Stop by and say 'hi'  and/or spread the word.  In February I will be actively recruiting a few people to be profiled on the TV show, so would be nice to meet some of the readers of this blog, so I can get a feel for the viewership.

Happy dating... 2010 is going to be your year!

Practice Dating

Ok, someone has asked you out, but you aren't quite sure that they are the one you really like... what to do?  Go on a 'Practice Date'.  Practice dates are great for a variety of reasons. 

First, you will gain valuable 'dating data'. This can include things like learning about a new restaurant, a fun night club, a unique social activity you would have otherwise never thought to try, and most importantly, you will learn more about what you are looking for in a long-term partner by experiencing another person's strengths and weaknesses.

Practice dates also serve to do just that, give you a chance to 'practice' so you are ready when the 'real deal' comes around. The more times you go on a date, the more comfortable and confident you will become.

And, finally, practice dates can lead to friendships and referals. You always have room for more friends, and your date might put in a good word for you.  In a small town like Muscatine, news travels fast, even good news.

While you are on your practice date, please observe this list of things NOT to talk about:
1) Your past dating experiences
2) Your EX
3) Money
4) Health Problems
5) Religion/Politics
6) Business
7) Negative subjects
8) Your children
9) Sex
10) Your diet

In my case, I find that I am pretty intense, in a mentally stimulating sort of way, which can be a bit much at first, so I try and focus on letting her do most of the talking.  Girls love to communicate and appreciate a good listener.

Ok, so I am planning on initiating a few 'practice dates', and will accept almost any invitation, as I attempt to become a dating guru.  I hope to experience every sort of awkward dating experience possible.  I will suffer so you don't have to.   All of this 'research' will culminate in a local TV show called 'Muscatine Matchmaker' that is set to debut spring of 2010. 

Hopefully the girls I ask out over the next several weeks don't read this blog or I am sort of busted.  I guess they won't know if I consider this a 'practice date' or 'the real deal'.  It is only fair, they may be 'practicing' with me as well.  Sort of a game... Any interest in playing?

"Open up your mind and let me step inside

Rest your weary head and let your heart decide

It's so easy when you know the rules

It's so easy all you have to do

Is fall in love

Play the game

Everybody play the game of love, yeah"

..."Play the Game"  Queen

The Five Second Flirt

Ok, I need all of you single-types to sync up with my proposal.  I would like to request that we all establish the 'five second flirt' technique as our preferred method of hooking up at the local night clubs.  Here is is how it works...

Girls:  Scan the room for an available man that your are interested in.  Be patient, it may take some time for the right target to arrive.  Upon selecting an appropriate male, proceed to lock eyes with him for five seconds and then gently turn your head away while flirtatiously flipping your hair.  5 seconds may seem like a long time, but it is necessary, so as to leave no question, from the man's perspective, that your are interested in meeting him.  Make sure to tone your eyes down to just beneath the 'stalker stare' level.  I know this is a fine line, but too much intensity can actually scare the guys off.

At this point the guy will respond accordingly.  Hopefully, he proceeds to approach you and strike up a conversation. 

Guys:  Be on the look out for girls who may be staring at you with an adoring gaze.  Bring a stopwatch if you have trouble with the timing.  If she gets past the 5 second mark, you are in!  It's your move, so go over and talk to her.  Also,  make sure to offer to buy her a drink after about 10 minutes, if the conversation is working. 

If he doesn't respond consider these possible reasons:
1) He is gay
2) He is looking for something specific (perhaps a blonde and you may be a brunette), so no worries, try again with someone else.
3) He wants you to 'chase' him.  Ultimately, this is a not going to be worth all the extra effort.
4) Hard to see a wedding ring sometimes, so perhaps he just simply isn't available.
5) He is shy... if he smiles back, consider approaching him.

Ok, so get out there and start working this nonverbal system.  My research suggests that these small-town bar scenes tend to include minimal mingling, so nonverbal communication may be our only option.  This technique is a step above the 'grunting like a cave man' approach that I have witnessed some of the small-town players using, so it is a step in the right direction.

-BREAKING NEWS-
There is a new bar called 'Grant Street Pub' located behind the Lincoln Center on Park Ave.  I checked this place out last night, and there is much potential.  The owners are interested in have a dating TV show there.  More details to come, but consider stopping by as this place may soon recieve my single-scene endorsement.

Small Town Dating Strategy...Three-Wheeling!

Ok, I will have to admit... there really aren't a lot of single people within my dating age range in Muscatine.  This is problematic not just for the purposes of finding a girlfriend, but for recreational purposes in general.  Hanging out with other single people is an easy fit, and usually works just a bit better than trying to latch on to other couples.  Unfortunately, there are just so many more opportunitites to hang out with couples than single people, since singles are a minority in small-town America.

The solution?..Why not work WITH the situation and strategically attach yourself to other couples? Yes, this is called 'being a THIRD-WHEEL' aka... 'Three-Wheeling'.  Not usually a term used to describe a desirable situation, however, this can actually work out to a single person's advantage as long as you don't mind getting a bit muddy.

Think about it, couples find it just as annoying as you do when you latch onto their plans...  Making dinner reservations for three seems awkward, attending special events is odd, and cuddling together during movie night is a bit strange with the 'third wheel' munching on popcorn on the sofa next to them.  Not only that, but they may become frustrated by observing the freedoms you seem to have as a care-free single.  They will want you to join them in their misery.

Single people can leverage this mutually annoying scenario by purposefully becoming a major part in the social lives of local couples.  The couple will naturally feel inclined to scour their social networks for someone to date you.  Ultimately, if you can show them that you aren't going anywhere, then they will be forced to make a decision... either find you a partner to avoid the dreaded 'third wheel' social situation, or get rid of you as a friend (which they won't want to do because you are so cool).

So, my suggestion is to squeeze your way into to as many 'couple' social scenes as possible. You will often end up being the 'third-wheel' or maybe even the 'fifth-wheel' (or seventh, or ninth, or eleventh?) but most importantly you should strive to be the ODD WHEEL.  This 'oddness' can be your ticket out of Lonelyville.

The Hot/Crazy Theorem

How important are physical appearances when searching for a soulmate?  The answer might be within the question itself... isn't the mating of two souls really the elusive goal?

Consider Barney Stinson's  (How I Met Your Mother, Fall 2009) chart that illustrates the theory of hotness to craziness.  The hotter the girl, the crazier she seems to be.  I concur with this concept, having gathered a large amount of empirical data that suggests that there is indeed an odd correlation between these two traits.

Hmm, why do 'hot' people act crazier?  Perhaps because they have a disconnect between their percieved reality and the actual state of the world.  For example, they may be given preferential treatment, feel an unjustified sense of priviledge, or even be overlooked by promising dating candidates because they are 'out of their league'.  Many physically attractive people exist in a miserable state of solitude battling the extremes of narcissism and low self-esteem.

Keeping in mind the extra burden associated with dating a 'hot chic', it makes me wonder, then, what should a single person really be looking for in a potential date?  According to Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg's "5 Love Needs of Men and Women" (2000) it breaks down like this:

Top 5 Love Needs:

1) Men: Unconditional Love -   1) Women: Unconditional Love

2) Men: Sex -   2) Women: Communication

3) Men: Friendship -   3) Women: Spiritual Intimacy

4) Men: Encouragement -   4) Women: Encouragement

5) Men: Spiritual Connection - 5) Women: Friendship

I will post on this topic at a later time, however this list illustrates that the Beatles were right... "All You Need Is Love". 

Ok, now take a moment to envision someone you are interested in that you know is considered 'hot'... now envision a potential date that you don't consider to be so 'hot' physically, but would be available to you as an option, if you so desired...

Which one of these people would be able to best meet your need for 'Unconditional Love'?  Ultimately, that is going to be what sustains the relationship.  Feeling a sense of Love and Belonging is the most important need of the human condition.  Obtain this and happiness is a given.

I challenge you to take another look at your list of current dating interests.  Maybe you can move someone back over from the 'not interested' list to the 'maybe' or 'definately' list based on this concept.  If there happens to be someone that you consider 'hot' and who also would be very likely to meet your top 5 Love needs... step away from the computer and ask them out NOW!  That is a rare combination.  Worried about rejection?  Forget about it.  Remember 'hot' people are crazy, so you really can't take any of their actions too seriously.  If they happen to accept your invitation... congratulations! My work here is done.

The New Year's Eve Countdown Clock Ticks Away

Looking into my crystal ball... December 31st looks a little anti-climactic....Unfortunately, I don't see the 'New Year's Eve Kiss' in my future. There is still time, however, so the clock ticks away as I keep my eyes and ears open for a potential date.

THE 'WHO' QUESTION -
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5,4,3,2,1... Happy New Year!!!  Yeah, great, especially if you can start the new year off feeling connected to someone special.  Sort of another one of those high-pressure holidays, like Valentine's Day, where single people have a little more planning and preparation to attend to.  For those who are married or in a committed relationship, the night is quite simple, with the main questions being 'where' and 'what' to do.  Couples have a great fallback option as well.  They can simply opt to enjoy a quite yet romantic night at home, so even if they don't have a special event to attend, the evening can still be quite rewarding.  For singles, however, 'WHO?' becomes the most critical question to answer. 

I went wardrobe shopping Saturday, taking a casual female friend to help make sure I picked out a nice looking outfit.  I bought a suit that I can wear when I want to 'dress to impress' (weddings, New Year's Eve, partying at the Elms, etc.)  The idea is to 'suit up' in an effort to impress the ladies... as the ultimate bachelor, Barney Stinson demonstrates  on 'How I Met Your Mother'.

While we were in Davenport, we toured the downtown nightlife for a bit, enjoying karoake night a place called 'Boozies'.  My friend seemed to be forming several crushes on some of the men as they belted out songs by Guns and Roses, Led Zepplin, Third Eye Blind, etc... No one really caught my eye, but I did enjoy feeling self-assured, as I wore my new outfit.  I plan on 'suiting up' from time to time as I peruse various night spots. 

So, my advice for any single readers would be to start planning NOW for new year's eve.  You don't want to get stuck randomly scanning the room at 11:59 for someone to kiss.  2010 can by legendary!!!

Though this may end up being my fate, it doesn't have to be yours...If you do end up in that situation, I suggest grabbing a random stranger, and starting the new year off by exchanging a friendly kiss.  (NOTE: Due to the H1N1 pandemic, I would also suggest keeping your tongue to yourself.  Starting 2010 with the flu would NOT be so legendary)

Warped sense of beauty...

No wonder lots of people experience unhealthy anxiety related to their appearance....



I believe single people are more self-conscious about their appearance, as this is one of the aspects that they can use to potentially 'market' themselves to a mate.  However, this video should remind us, that we don't have to judge ourselves so strictly.  The images we are exposed to through mass media, aren't realistic standards.  Yet, there really does seem to be some pressure to be connected with an intimate partner.  I agree that life is enhanced when you share it with someone, however, it is important not to become discouraged, during those times when you are alone.  There are plenty of advantages to being single, and it is only a matter of time before your connection will present itself.

Everywhere you look within our culture, society seems to be suggesting that we are supposed to be either in a relationship or attempting to acquire one.  Maybe I gravitate towards TV programs like this, but consider the fact that the following programs all feature a single person and his/her attempts to satiate their intimate relationship need:

Two and a Half Men (both brothers are single, even kid is now looking for girlfriend)
New Adventures of a the Old Christine (Old Christine struggles with single status each episode)
CougarTown (Courtney Cox search for companionship)
30 Rock (Liz Lemmon)
Parks And Recreation (Each week someone on the show is advancing some sort of intimate relationship)
Gary Unmarried (Gary is trying to get with his boss)
How I met your mother (Entire show is about dating)
Scrubs (plenty of single doctors)

While it may be highly desireable to have someone to love and to connect with, it isn't the end of the world if you are alone.  Sure it can be inconvenient, and society may make you feel like there is something wrong with you if you aren't with someone...  but rest assured, love will come to you naturally.  Until then, it is all about loving and respecting yourself, as well as your friends and family.  Being confident, strong and assertive will be the most attractive approach you can aspire towards.

Thankful for the 'Mommy Suit'

Personally, I appreciate it when unavailable women (i.e. married mothers) scale back their appearance efforts.  Wearing a floppy hat and gaudy swimsuit that covers your midriff area communicates to single men that you are 'off the market' and/or 'not interested'.  It is complicated enough trying to figure out who may be available without hot mommy's running around teasing frustrated bachelors.

Another consideration, it can be challenging for guys in relationships to refrain from 'appreciating' an attracitive female.  In fact, many relationships ultimately fail because of the insecurities caused when attractive females enter a man's field of view.  Problem solved when gals sport the 'mommy suit'.  When girls cover up and limit sexual non-verbal communication, it really does make a man's life easier, single or attached.   

If you are a single person, this is a great time to maximize your attractiveness (whatever that means to you) and have fun 'playing the game'.  But, if you aren't single, the pressure is off, enjoy your relationship for all that it can provide while appreciating the other wonderous aspects of your life that make it a joy to simply be alive.