quick show update...

Ok, we've got a couple of dating clients in the works for the TV show... stay tuned for details. 

Eau de Desperation

A friendly place to flirt with potential dating candidates can often be the local cosmetics counter. Smell is an important component of human attraction, so I do purchase cologne from time to time.  Really, I am not as concerned with whether or not I like the way I smell, but whether or not the cologne will make me smell more attractive to members of the opposite sex.  To this end, it makes sense to ask the female counter person what scent she prefers.

"Well, I'm a single guy, so hoping to get a scent that would be enticing to a good looking female, such as yourself.  Do you have any recommendations?"

At which point, she usually gets very serious as she is stimulated by the mere thought of a male wearing the scent she is about to spritz onto my forearm.

But alas, my introverted nature restricts the relationship from going any further.  I make my purchase and head home to squirt my new purchase all over my wardrobe, dreaming fondly of the confidence I will exude, knowing that I have effectively handled the smelling portion of the five senses available. Speaking of that, it is said that men fall in love with their eyes and women fall in love with their ears... not sure where the nose fits into all of this... oh well.

Anyway, the title of the blog refers to a very unsavory smell that some men are guilty of projecting...'Eau de Desperation'.  This cologne doesn't attract women, in fact, it repels them.   It is important for a man to feel confident.   It shouldn't appear as if he is desperate for a date. Rather, that he is secure with his single status, has plenty of options, and will patiently partner with the appropriate female when the circumstances allow.

Unfortunately, I can think back to times when I may have been sporting this distasteful aroma.   Male and females alike, learn from my past mistakes... 'desperation is not attractive'.  Repeate after me..."I don't NEED to have an intimate partner in my life, it is simply a desireable situation that I hope to someday realize."

On the other hand, I was perusing through the text book for one of my grad school classes this semester regarding assessment and testing, and came across a risk assesment for suicide.  The top two risk factors listed were 'male' and 'single'.  Hmm, that got me thinking.  Yes, being single can be a troubling situation.  We are meant to be connected with other human beings, and depression is often a bi-product of feeling alone.  Yet, wallowing in self pity will serve no purpose but to perpetuate your single status, so don't let yourself get down.  Finding a partner is important to your overall well-being, but you simply can't come off as desperate.

BREAKING NEWS:  I have begun the discussions with this season's Muscatine Matchmaker Dating Client.  She is excited to let me and my matchmaking crew help her find love in small-town Iowa.  I am lining up potential matches for her (which is easy as there are tons of single dudes around here).  It is not too late for YOU, however.  We are still accepting applications for dating clients, and I am willing to interview females who may be interested in trying out their matchmaking skills as my co-host.

Girls in Packs... Don't Attract

Let's say your a single gal, and you decide to 'get out there' by going out on the town.  You may be thinking that you need to call your girlfriends and make it a 'girl's night out'.  While this may feel much more comfortable and seem more natural than going out alone the actual situation is that...

GIRLS IN PACKS DON'T ATTRACT...

I can see where a woman might think that a group of girls would be an attractive scenario for a male.  I mean who wouldn't want to be the guy pictured below...

But think about it... how realistic is it to think that this guy spotted four ladies jumping around on the beach, went over and hit on them, and then all four of them accepted his advances.

The fact of the matter is that it can be very intimidating for a guy to approach a group of girls.  It is hard enough to face rejection from one girl, let alone an entire herd of them.  It is also hard to fit into the social dynamic when the object of a man's desire seems confined within the boundaries created by a circle of chatting females. 

On the other hand, a girls sitting alone is extremely approachable.  In fact, a man almost feels a certain obligation to 'keep her company' as she sits there alone.  She doesn't seem perfectly content to be 'out with girls', rather she is nonverbally communicating that she is open for conversation.

Going out alone isn't easy, but could be well worth the initial discomfort you may feel when sitting by yourself.  You can deal with this by looking at your watch or the door every so often... this communicates that you may be waiting for your friends to arrive.  The guy, then, can assume you might appreciate some small talk while you wait. 

Be forewarned, if you go out alone you WILL ATTRACT attention. So, if you aren't interested in being constantly accosted and/or recieving free drinks, then stick to your former approach of creating a female friend shield that will deflect advances from interested males.  Unfortunately, this deflects both unwanted and wanted advances.  

This logic does hold true in other social scenarios besides night clubs (grocery stores, book shops, weddings, restaurants, etc.). So, when you are out and about on your own, keep in mind that you are at your most attractive state, and be attentive to potential networking opportunities.

Does this same logic hold true for guys?  I am actually not sure, but would assume that a guy sitting alone will come off as more of a creepy stalker type with an alcohol problem. 

The Facebook Revolution

Ok, currently my Facebook status reads 'Single' and interested in 'Dating & Networking'.   I suppose the goal of many local singles is to change that to 'in a relationship'.

Though I have quite a few 'friends', they are almost completely 'married' or 'in a relationship'.  This isn't unexpected, and also shouldn't be discouraging.  Facebook is a social networking site, and NETWORKING is a key component of successful personal matchmaking.  Take a look at your profile, and make sure you represent yourself in the best light.  The people that peruse your information could be the link to future dates.

I would even recommend dropping a few subtle hints from time to time, to remind your friends and family of your availability.  For example your status could read... "Saturday night with nothing to do, I guess I will talk to my cat and stuff my face full of the tray of brownies I just made since I have no one in my life to share them with."

Ok, that was a little pathetic, maybe scale it back a bit.  The idea is to be attractive not desperate.

Another clever use of facebook involves following up after a chance encounter.  You don't really need to exchange phone numbers anymore, just catch their name and look them up on facebook the next day.... "Hey, I enjoyed meeting you last night, any interest in going out for coffee tomorrow"...

I even cross reference any referrals I get by looking them up on facebook... Usually I can verify any interest I may have by seeing the photos and profile they have posted.  Girls seem much more 'real' on facebook.

If I am doing this, then I assume others are as well.  I recommend treating your facebook profile as if everyone is looking at it, including potential dates.  Awkward pictures are fun, but should be reserved for the married people, who really shouldn't care if they come off as 'attractive' on their profile.

So try some 'facebook flirting',   it just might be the ticket to success.  If nothing else, take another good look at each of your FB 'friends' and consider asking some of them if they know anyone who may be a compatible dating candidate.  Facebook facilitates communication and networking opportunities.   If you are single and looking, you should definately be a part of the facebook revolution.

The 2010 Dating Plan

Whew, made it through another new year's eve, though the night was mostly uneventful.  Plan 'A' involved having a date with someone I was interested in as a potential girlfriend and then partying like rockstars... Plan 'B', was to be invited to a NYE party and enjoy the evening amongst close friends... Plan 'C', then was to go out and about and hope for a miracle.  Well, this year, no miracle happened, as I reluctantly went with plan 'C'.

I played some great music at the ELMS, as I DJ'd their party, however the turnout wasn't all that great.  I can say, though, that an acquaintance did kiss me pretty solidly at midnight.  I also got a nice gift, and hung out with some good friends until the wee hours of the new year's first day.

Speaking of plans... I have authored a 2010 dating plan that may be of interest to any readers in a similar situation.  Basically, I plan on dividing my efforts to 'be my own matchmaker' into three seperate categories:

1) Online Social Networking - This will include eHarmony and Facebook, maybe Chemistry.com.  I have actually had some success along these lines, and recommend that singles have an online presence.

2) Going Out and About - I plan on getting 'out there'.  Whether that be a social event, health club, grocery store, classes, playgrounds (for single moms), sporting events, bike races, or even the movie theater (small talk at the concession stand).  You have to leave the house to meet new people and promote your vitality.

3) Personal Contacts - Meeting your mate through someone who already knows him/her is the safest and most efficient way to make your own match.  This is an especially good option in smaller towns, as we don't have as many 'out and about' opportunities, nor as many geographically qualifying online matches.  People like to help others so don't be afraid to directly ask your friends and family who they know that may be available and interested.  Also, 'practice dates' can be a good way to get the referral.  Just because the chemistry isn't there, doesn't mean they won't put in a good word for you. 

The overall theme of the dating plan is to NETWORK.  You are selling yourself and  need as many people as possible to know what you have to offer.

NEW YEAR's EVE at the ELMS

Not so looking forward to a New Year's Eve without a date, I accepted an opportunity to DJ a New Year's Eve Party at the Elms (south Muscatine near by-pass on HWY 61)...

Should be a good time, I have a good taste in music.  If you like to get dressed up, and bump & grind on the dance floor, this is the place to be.  Keeping in mind that I am an aspiring relationship specialist/matchmaker..I will make sure to play some slow jams too, so there will be plenty of opportunities for chemistry to develop.

I don't drink, so I am sensitive to 'responsible drinking'.  We arranged to have a volunteer designated driver that will be available to shuttle people home. 

Stop by and say 'hi'  and/or spread the word.  In February I will be actively recruiting a few people to be profiled on the TV show, so would be nice to meet some of the readers of this blog, so I can get a feel for the viewership.

Happy dating... 2010 is going to be your year!

Practice Dating

Ok, someone has asked you out, but you aren't quite sure that they are the one you really like... what to do?  Go on a 'Practice Date'.  Practice dates are great for a variety of reasons. 

First, you will gain valuable 'dating data'. This can include things like learning about a new restaurant, a fun night club, a unique social activity you would have otherwise never thought to try, and most importantly, you will learn more about what you are looking for in a long-term partner by experiencing another person's strengths and weaknesses.

Practice dates also serve to do just that, give you a chance to 'practice' so you are ready when the 'real deal' comes around. The more times you go on a date, the more comfortable and confident you will become.

And, finally, practice dates can lead to friendships and referals. You always have room for more friends, and your date might put in a good word for you.  In a small town like Muscatine, news travels fast, even good news.

While you are on your practice date, please observe this list of things NOT to talk about:
1) Your past dating experiences
2) Your EX
3) Money
4) Health Problems
5) Religion/Politics
6) Business
7) Negative subjects
8) Your children
9) Sex
10) Your diet

In my case, I find that I am pretty intense, in a mentally stimulating sort of way, which can be a bit much at first, so I try and focus on letting her do most of the talking.  Girls love to communicate and appreciate a good listener.

Ok, so I am planning on initiating a few 'practice dates', and will accept almost any invitation, as I attempt to become a dating guru.  I hope to experience every sort of awkward dating experience possible.  I will suffer so you don't have to.   All of this 'research' will culminate in a local TV show called 'Muscatine Matchmaker' that is set to debut spring of 2010. 

Hopefully the girls I ask out over the next several weeks don't read this blog or I am sort of busted.  I guess they won't know if I consider this a 'practice date' or 'the real deal'.  It is only fair, they may be 'practicing' with me as well.  Sort of a game... Any interest in playing?

"Open up your mind and let me step inside

Rest your weary head and let your heart decide

It's so easy when you know the rules

It's so easy all you have to do

Is fall in love

Play the game

Everybody play the game of love, yeah"

..."Play the Game"  Queen